Hey, It’s Chris.
Thank you to everyone who responded to my email last week. It’s heartwarming to hear there’s curiosity and desire for what I’m working on.
However, recently I’ve struggled.
I found myself pissed off at things. Wanting to give up and just abandon the effort to communicate the ideas I’ve been sharing.
And I think I found the cause…
It’s not that I’m disinterested in this subject. At all.
In fact, I’ve been reading, learning, and having more breakthroughs in the past week since I decided to “take a break” than when I was actively trying to “make progress.”
Super weird, I know.
But the reason?
I’d trapped myself in a commitment.
A time constraint.
An expectation to “perform” on a schedule… for you guys.
Confession: I think I have an authoirty allergy.
My internal anarchy protocol kicked in.
And that’s just dumb. At least for me.
Look, I know we’re all built differently… What works for me might not work for you.
But a restriction or expectation… even a self-imposed one (yeah, I know, right?!)…
pisses me off and I have a tendency to flip it the metacognitive middle finger.
😅 Turns out I can’t even boss myself around!
Knee-jerk reaction much? Yeah. Well… I’m working on it.
Thing is, I understand how dumb it is to shoot myself in the foot like this.
But my instinct…
My “Don’t Tell Me What To Do” Disorder (applies to external and, apparently, internal authority too)…
is to fight it.
I enter the nope-spiral and become Certified Non-Compliant™.
Did I learn it growing up?
Did I pick it up from a peer?
Or (ironically) another authority figure?
Was I just born this way?
Doesn’t matter. Don’t care. (Well, I do…)
But for now… it’s just who I am.
I’m built different.
And it’d be a bit dumb if I didn’t acknowledge that… Accept it… Work with it.
So I’ve been thinking through the best ways to deal with this:
Traditionally, the go-to advice is:
- Learn new habits… train behaviour through repetition & discipline. (toughen up)
- Learn to follow… accept that not all direction needs to be challenged. (soften up)
- Or…(my favourite)… Create a wider paradigm that subsumes all that.
One where restrictions, rules, authority, and timeframes… are just guidelines anyway.
Because…
You don’t HAVE to do what you’re told.
And when I operate from that perspective… I restore my agency. I can choose again.
I don’t have to fight someone else and automatically reject stuff.
I can consider it.
And decide for myself.
I don’t have to fight myself do do things, because I’m engaged by choice…
not through some imposed direction, trick, or deception.
If I’m fighting all the time… I suffer terribly from: “The Overcommitment Hangover”
And I quit.
The trouble was… I was holding a perspective of:
Master / Slave
Authority / Subordinate
And that just… irks me something bad.
Nobody puts this guy in a corner… even me! 🤣
So… to avoid this committment quicksand…
I’m gonna be out here playing the infinite game from now on.
Just wanted to be transparent about it.
I’ll still share the ideas and insights I have… as I go.
But I’m not locking myself into a schedule.
I’m not performing to someone else’s rules.
Still kicking on, none-the-less 🙂
And happy to have you along for the ride.
Do your thing.
~ Chris
p.s. I call this rebel-looping. Kinda been doing it since I was a teen.
They said I’d grow out of it… ha!
Got a weird loop like this? Cool name for it? Wanna re-name mine? (That part’s fun!)